On September 10, American political commentator and Turning Point USA founder Charlie Kirk was shot in the neck, in front of his wife, Erika Kirk, and their two children. This traumatic event would have been enough to radicalize the average person. However, Erika Kirk has gone from teary tributes to appearing on her husband’s show.
The 36-year-old Kirk is now the leader of Turning Point USA, the youth conservative organization her husband founded. This means she now has to make more media rounds—some as the wife of a recently assassinated husband, and others as the new leader of Turning Point. In some of these media appearances, Kirk has appeared composed, prompting many to question whether she’s grieving at all.
Why Isn’t She Grieving?
Kirk’s composure and smiles when she has appeared on camera in recent weeks have led some to question whether she is actually grieving. They expect her to be an emotional mess, breaking down in tears every six words. These are not strange expectations, but they are the kind you’d expect from people who don’t understand how grief actually works.
Some have even argued that the saying “everyone handles grief differently” doesn’t apply to Kirk because she has been too composed—and that no one else in her situation would be acting like her.
What’s being ignored, perhaps, is that her appearance on camera doesn’t mean she is that composed throughout the day. Judging her based on the few minutes she’s seen publicly is naïve at best. She may have cried before coming on camera, and she may have cried immediately after going off air.
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Another important aspect of Kirk’s grieving process is her children. Kirk’s two children are likely with her almost constantly, which means they are probably watching her every moment she’s on air. They’ve already seen their father in one of the most traumatic states a child can witness (bleeding out). Kirk likely recognizes that they don’t need to see their other parent in another vulnerable state (crying on air).
More than needing to be strong for herself, she needs to be strong for her children. The children need a pillar to lean on, and they’d be in a worse place if that pillar crumbled regularly.
Is There a Way to Grieve?
Those who think she should be handling this situation more poorly than she is are vilifying her for having more emotional fortitude than expected. There isn’t a right or wrong way to grieve—and to suggest there is, shows a fundamental misunderstanding of grief.
I’ve seen people break down days—even months—after losing a loved one. Some people make peace with what has happened and try to act as normal as possible. This doesn’t mean they don’t feel the raw pain of the loss, but it means they are able to hold themselves together for periods of time—such as, in this case, media appearances.
Is Something Off With Erika Kirk?
I don’t know. No one can know. However, if you’re basing your “suspicion” on how “well” she has handled watching her husband bleed to death, then that suspicion is standing on raw spaghetti sticks. No one knows if she’s even been sleeping. No one knows how she is between media appearances.
She likely would have preferred to stay indoors and not interact with anyone—but that would be an unhealthy way to grieve. Being around supportive people is one of the healthiest ways to process loss. X (formerly Twitter) is filled with people suspicious of Kirk, with some even outright insinuating that she’s happy her husband died.
Everyone who understands grief will tell you there’s no set timeline for the process. Most importantly, the pain of a loss never actually goes away. It may lessen with time, but it never truly disappears.
This means that Kirk smiling on The Charlie Kirk Show doesn’t mean she’s now happy. It doesn’t mean she’s put everything behind her and is now honky-dory. What it means is that she’s handling the trauma the only way she knows how. She has also learned how to be a source of joy and encouragement for her children.
What Can We Learn From This?
People grieve differently. Sometimes it’s breaking down mid-speech on stage, and sometimes it’s holding it together until after the speech. It can also mean going on a media hiatus for months. It can also mean appearing on your late spouse’s show nearly three weeks after watching him die—to carry on what he left behind.
It’s wrong to project your own definition of grief onto someone else. Grieving is an extremely personal journey, and it has no set time frame. It’s also important to recognize that Kirk not isolating herself during this difficult time is a healthy choice.
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